


Purgatory

by gutsandglitter



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:54:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8454373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutsandglitter/pseuds/gutsandglitter
Summary: "Serena’s heart sank to the toes of her last-season Prada pumps as a breathless Bernie Wolfe dashed into the lift beside her. "
Basically because getting stuck in a lift together seems like the only conceivable way these two would ever actually Talk About Important Things.





	

“Hold the lift!”

Serena’s heart sank to the toes of her last-season Prada pumps as a breathless Bernie Wolfe dashed into the lift beside her. 

Bernie’s eyes grew wide as she stuttered to a stop beside Serena. The Major was her usual mess of tousled curls, flushed cheeks, and rumpled clothes; Serena wondered (not for the first time) if the other woman even owned an alarm clock or an iron. Soldiers were supposed to be prompt and neat, weren’t they?

As the doors closed Bernie subtly moved to the far wall, putting as much space between herself and Serena as the car would allow. She stared at the ground and began to wring her hands in what looked to be a painful fashion.

It had been like this for two weeks. Bernie had returned from Kiev with her tail between her legs, completely unable to look Serena in the eye or say a word to her that wasn’t work-related. Even then she usually managed to find a way to use Raf or Dom as an emissary, though both were becoming aware of this scheme. She was also scarcely using their shared office, instead choosing to do the bulk of her paperwork at the nurse’s station. While a good old-fashioned grovelling wouldn’t have been unwelcome, Serena found that she could live with this arrangement. Less contact with Bernie meant less of a temptation for Serena to do something...foolish.

Serena stared at the digital numbers above, winging a silent prayer to any available deity for a quick and silent ride.

But as was her luck, this prayer was intercepted by a god of mischief. As the lift rose it began to tremble and clatter in a slightly unnerving way. Unnerving was quickly followed by terrifying as the cables above let out an almighty screech and jolted the car to a violent stop. Serena was knocked to the floor, her left ankle rolling sharply in her heel on the way down. Bernie was thrown to the right side of the car where she grabbed the guide bar and clung to it like a life preserver. Both women stared upwards in the general direction of the cables, holding their breath and waiting for it to go into freefall.

Serena could hear her own heart pounding in her ears. She thought of Jason, thought of Eleanor. Thought of Bernie. Though her earlier prayer had been roundly ignored, she threw out another desperate one. _Not now. Oh please, not now._

This prayer appeared to reach it’s intended destination, for the lift stayed still. After a few moments of tense silence, Bernie spoke.

“That er, that thing about jumping as an elevator falls-”

“No. Your body is still falling at the same speed, so you only delay your impact by a few seconds,” Serena said, not moving her eyes from the ceiling.

“Right.”

“They talked about it on one of Jason’s quiz shows.”

“Oh.”

Adrenaline coursed through their respective systems, distorting their perceptions of time and making the following thirty seconds feel like an eternity.

Finally, once her heartbeat had slowed from its near-constant thrum, Serena spoke again. “I ah, do think I remember the quiz show also saying something about multiple emergency brakes. Backups on top of backups. So erm, it should probably hold. I think.”

“Okay,” Bernie said weakly. 

They waited a few more seconds, just to be sure.

Finally Bernie tentatively pushed herself back into a standing position, right hand still holding the handrail in a white-knuckled grip. “Oh, I should probably...” she reached her trembling left hand out and pressed the emergency button. A tinny alarm began to sound somewhere in the distance.

Fairly certain they were not about to plunge to their respective deaths, Serena closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the cool metal siding of the lift car. She could hear Bernie doing relaxation breathing behind her. _In for four seconds. Hold for four seconds. Out for four seconds._ Perhaps that was how Bernie could be so calm and unaffected by everything, proper breathing techniques. If that was the case, Serena was about to go and invest in a boatload of meditation tapes.

Above her, Bernie shuffled awkwardly. 

“Er, do you need a hand getting up?”

“I’m fine,” Serena snapped, reaching up and taking hold of one of the handrails. But as soon as she put weight on her left foot she was down again.

“Oh for heaven’s sake!” she cried, clapping a hand over her injured ankle.

“Serena, are you hurt?” The worry in Bernie’s voice was evident. Had the situation between them been different Serena might have been touched by her concern; as it stood, she just found it annoying.

“I’m fine,” she repeated. “I just rolled my damn ankle.”

The tinny alarm stopped and a crackling voice came through the small speaker on the control panel. “This is Anthony, Head of Maintenance. Is everyone alright?”

Bernie glanced over at Serena and pushed the Talk button. “Er, yes, for the most part. Can you get us out, please?”

“We’ve called the emergency elevator repair service, they should be here shortly.”

Bernie frowned. “There’s no one in the building that can fix it?”

“I’m afraid not, ma’am.”

Serena slumped against the wall.

“Oh, alright,” Bernie said weakly. “Can you please let AAU know that Ms. Campbell and Ms. Wolfe are detained?”

“Of course ma’am. Please ring if you need anything else.”

Bernie let out a heavy sigh and leaned against the wall.

Serena rolled her eyes. “AAU will just love this. I wonder what nursery rhyme they’ll bastardize at my expense this time.”

“Serena-”

“What?” Serena said, a little too sharply. She looked directly at Bernie for the first time since they’d stepped onto the lift.

Bernie’s eyes dropped to the ground and she worried her lip between her teeth. “Um.” She peeked up at Serena from beneath her fringe. “Would you like me to take a look at your ankle? Make sure it isn’t sprained?”

“It’s not,” Serena said coolly.

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I’m a bloody doctor.”

“But it’s hard to do a diagnosis on yourself.”

“Did I mention I’m a bloody _good_ doctor?”

“Serena,” Bernie said pleadingly. She was still looking at her through her fringe with that ridiculous wounded puppy expression that always made Serena’s stomach flip. 

“Oh fine,” Serena said. “Knock yourself out.”

Bernie knelt beside her and shuffled around so she was at Serena’s feet. She glanced up at her, silently asking for permission a second time, before placing her hands under Serena’s ankle and lifting her foot into her lap.

Serena hissed.

“That hurt?”

“Yes,” Serena said, in too much pain to come up with a witty retort.

“Okay. I’m really sorry about this, but I’m going to have to-”

“I know what you have to do, just get on with it.”

Bernie gingerly removed the shoe and placed her hands on either side of Serena’s foot. 

Serena had to fight back an involuntary shudder. She had almost forgotten how warm and soft those skilled hands were.

“Can you move your foot for me, please?” Bernie asked softly.

Serena bit down on her lower lip and obliged, extending it and moving it left and right.

“Good, good, probably no fracture then. Let me just…”

Bernie began to massage her fingers around the rapidly-swelling ankle joint. It wasn’t so much palpating as it was caressing, and the sheer tenderness of her ministrations made Serena want to cry. Instead she tried to distract herself by mentally following Bernie’s examination.

_Achilles tendon. Anterior tibiofibular ligament. Calcaneofibular ligament._

Bernie’s index finger hit a particularly tender spot and Serena let out a small whimper, her whole body tensing.

“Sorry, sorry,” Bernie cooed, stroking a hand across the sore spot. She looked up at Serena’s face and froze momentarily.

Serena tried to read her expression, but Bernie quickly looked back down at the foot.

“A mild sprain, I think,” she said, gently moving Serena’s foot from her lap and shuffling back slightly. She began wringing her hands again. “You should still get an x-ray though, just to be sure. They’ll have you on crutches which it might make driving a little difficult but if you want I could give you a ride home-”

“I can take care of myself.”

Bernie looked up from her hands. “Er, I know that.”

“I’ve been doing it for quite some time.” 

She paused. 

“Not by choice, mind you.” Serena knew she should stop there, knew she should just let it drop. But all the hurt and anger and frustration that had been bubbling beneath the surface since Bernie’s departure began to boil over, and Serena felt she would go mad if she didn’t let it out. “It just seems that every time I find someone I think I can lean on they go ahead and kick my legs right out from under me. First Edward, then Robbie, and now you.”

Bernie looked as if she’d been slapped. “Serena I--I didn’t mean to…” She bit her lip, clearly pained. “I just didn’t want to hurt you,” she finished quietly.

“Oh, and a bang-up job you did with that. Truly spectacular. It didn’t hurt one bit watching you walk out on me, or becoming the laughingstock of the hospital. Totally painless.” Her eyes were brimming with traitorous tears but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. _Let her see them_ , she thought. _Let her see the hell she’s put me through._

Bernie looked like she was going to be sick. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it. Her lower lip trembled. 

“I’m...I’m sorry, Serena,” she said finally. The words fell from her lips like drops of blood, pooling in her lap and staining her skin. She looked down at her hands, which were balled into tight fists in her lap. “It’s just, with Alex it um…” She clenched and unclenched her fists as if steeling herself, then looked back up at Serena. “My relationship with Alex destroyed my entire life. I didn’t want, I wanted to save you from that.”

“Wanted to save yourself from that, more like,” Serena said. She wanted this to hurt Bernie the way her earlier barb had, but the other woman didn’t even flinch.

“Yes,” she said simply. “That too.”

Serena had thought that snapping at Bernie like this would make her feel better. She thought it would relieve some of the ache in her chest, but it had only amplified it. The hurt now radiated outward; her stomach ached, her head ached, the tips of her fingers and toes ached. Her ankle ached doubly so. She was tired, she was hurt, she was angry, and she was tired of hurting and being angry.

“You know what the worst part of it is?” she finally asked with a watery voice. _In for a penny, in for a pound._ “I still love you, in spite of it all. You told me to figure out what I want, and despite how awfully you’ve treated me, I still want you. What sort of farce is that?”

Bernie’s eyes widened in surprise. The car was silent for a moment, save for a quiet sniffle from Serena.

“But I...you…” Bernie stuttered. “I...oh.”

Serena closed her eyes and dropped her head against the side of the car. “There it is, deer-in-the-headlights again. Where will it be this time? I hear New Zealand is lovely this time of year.”

“No!” Bernie surged forward and grabbed Serena’s hand. 

Serena’s eyes flew open and Bernie dropped her hand to the floor. She blinked twice, then looked down at it. She gingerly picked it back up, cradling it between her own two hands. She looked back up at Serena.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said. 

Part of Serena wanted to acquiesce right there. She knew how easy it would be to simply melt into Bernie’s embrace, to bury her face in the crook of her neck and hide herself away from the world. But it wasn’t that simple. Bernie had chosen to destroy any simplicity there had been between them, and they would just have to muddle through the complexity as best they could.

She steeled herself. “Even if I knew that for sure-”

“You do. Serena, I-”

Serena held up her free hand to silence her. It did not go unnoticed by either party that she had not tried to pull her other hand from Bernie’s grasp. 

“Even if I knew that for sure,” she repeated, “How am I supposed to forgive you? I can’t exactly just forget about it and pretend that everything is tickety-boo.”

“No, you can’t,” Bernie said. “You can’t. Nor would I expect you to, honestly.”

She was holding Serena’s gaze firmly, though Serena could tell how hard it was for her to do even that. She had missed those eyes, she really had. They were the most expressive eyes Serena had ever seen. For all of the walls she had so carefully constructed around herself, Berenice Wolfe’s eyes were as clear and vulnerable as a child’s. 

Still determinedly maintaining eye contact, Bernie began to gently rub her thumb across the back of Serena’s hand. “Erm, so yes, I understand you can’t forgive me,” she continued slowly. “But I would--if you’re okay with it, I want to try to regain your trust. I mean, even if it’s just in a professional capacity.”

Serena sighed softly. “Your professional capacity has never been in question. Your personal capacity is what needs work.”

Bernie tipped her chin down and gave a wry smile. “That’s the understatement of the century, isn’t it?”

Serena laughed softly. Bernie’s smile widened considerably, which made Serena’s heart beat a little quicker. God, how she loved that smile.

Serena shifted slightly, causing her injured ankle to send a jolt of pain up through her leg. She winced bitterly and Bernie’s smile disappeared. 

“I think I have some paracetamol in my bag, if you’d like it?”

Serena shook her head. She was rapidly coming to the conclusion that it was impossible for her to stay angry with this woman. 

“You know what you could do to start earning back my trust?” she asked suddenly.

Bernie blinked. “What’s that?”

“You could start,” Serena said, feeling emboldened, “by saying you love me too. We both know you do, and you’re being a damn fool about it.”

Bernie’s eyebrows flew up into her fringe and she coughed out something that sounded like a laugh. 

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “Yes, I um, suppose I do. Love you, that is.” She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. “Sorry, let me try that again.” She opened her eyes and squeezed Serena’s hand. 

“I love you, Serena Campbell.”

Though she had blatantly prompted this admission the words still hit Serena like a sunbeam, warming her skin and making her fingertips tingle. She placed her free hand on top of Bernie’s. “That’s a start.”

As if on cue, the elevator shuddered to life once more and began to descend. 

 

At the ground floor the doors opened, revealing Henrik Hanssen and two harried-looking maintenance men.

 

“Miss Campbell, Miss Wolfe,” Hanssen said, looking as concerned as his stony features would allow. “Are you alright?”

 

Serena looked at Bernie, who smiled. 

“Yes, I think we are.”


End file.
